The following quotations are taken directly from transcripts of psychotherapy sessions videotaped with the patients’ permission. Videotaping has been an integral part of SWW’s personal training, private practice, and teaching. It is used for the purpose of in-depth microanalysis so as to enhance the work and benefit the patient. It is always optional.

Autonomy
“I feel good. I feel centered. Much better than ever. I feel very good about that. I was trying to remember, what are my problems? I couldn’t even gather (them). My thinking is not going out of control. It’s pretty calm. Clear. Not confused…about people. Situations. I'm not beating myself over the head for things. Like I make decisions, sometimes I make decisions about something I WANT to do, and in the past I would have felt that it had to be the wrong choice or the wrong thing to do because I wanted to do it, and now I feel, OK, that’s what I want to do and I’m just going to do it and enjoy it.”

“I can go days and weeks with certain friends without saying anything I don’t want to say. I felt (in the past) COMPELLED to say everything and then regretting it. I just don’t want to do it anymore. I can have a very good time with them and go out with them and enjoy their company, but I just don’t feel that I have to say anything that I don’t want to say. It was as though I owed them, to give them, some dysfunctional, crisis version of me. I think I just wanted to be accepted as the loser, the dysfunctional one, and then they’d like me. Because I was afraid of being strong. If I don’t tell those friends that I’m happy or I’m strong, I protect them from looking at their own lacks in their life."

Honoring Feelings
Last week, I don't know if you'd call it a breakthrough... but it felt like, definitely a step up, you know. I felt finished. Like I finally really connected with the anger that I stuffed before. I felt like I got over a big hurdle…I don't have to automatically stuff this anger when I get pissed off at somebody. That I have a chance of processing it...Focusing on it instead of just like running by it at 90 miles an hour… And, and stepping back or at least being able to say, "This is going to be a problem. I'm really pissed and if I don't deal with this, I'm going to be pissed at myself, you know?" So the degree that I realized last week, it felt like that's a big sign, I mean that's a big sign, as in sign in the road. It's a big flag... that was invisible before... a totally invisible flag but now it's visible. It's like a big red bull in the middle of the road. I felt like I had some new rock... some foothold or something to hang, to grab on to… tool... to keep from sliding backwards into a place where I ignore myself.

Self-Punishment becomes Self-Care
“The fear of showing my emotion just put me in a complete jail.”

“There was a turning point at some point, something you said, I don’t know what it was, I don’t remember exactly the key there, but it seemed suddenly very silly to be doing that, what for? OK, this is it, this is self-punishment. So I just drop it. I’m not doing it! (She sweeps her hands in front of her for emphasis). It’s almost a decision. That works! (She speaks of her youngest having a tantrum, crying, screaming “I can’t” and she says to her “you can choose to stop suffering right now.” I’ve been telling her that and I can tell myself that too…just as easily! (Big smile). I can see that there’s the urge, ahhhh, I feel bad (she mimics getting hysterical, as she used to do), but at some point you start to REALLY feel BAD. No, no, no. I don’t WANT to feel bad. It’s SILLY! So I think you put it well. It’s taking control over some things I felt I had no control over.”

“I think that I really belonged to everybody else. Not that they asked me, because I just had NO IDEA of what I wanted and I didn’t want to even LOOK. I would just give to people around me and resent every single person.” (She speaks of a family member she used to hate, and now she feels very close to her. She recognizes that she was jealous of her confidence. Now she says she’s not threatened by it at all).

“If I’ve decided, I’m just going to do nothing right now, that’s fine and that’s a good feeling. It seems to be that I always felt that I should be doing something else, that I’m in the wrong place. If I was (working on a creative project), I thought I should be helping out at the kid’s school. If I was at the kid’s school, I thought I should be grocery shopping. Even the little things (have changed). So even the little things. And especially if I took time out for myself, I’d have major guilt.”

Assertion
“You don’t have to be insulting me to make a point.” “And it was so good to me to say that and I don’t feel really bad. I think that in the past I would have had nothing to say. I would have felt TERRIBLE inside and anxious. It works good. It works great! (She very animated, happy and excited about her progress). It’s like a love fest. WooHoo! It’s a good feeling. It’s a great feeling.”

A patient tells her friend, ‘You betrayed my trust.’ “And I SAID it! I just said it.” ‘I feel like you criticize me, you talk behind my back, and I just can’t do that. I’ll talk about anything you want but not about my marriage.’ “Can you imagine?” (Her friend has been pleasant since. The patient was able to set boundaries here and experience rage with no anxiety whatsoever. “I wanted to be a good girl. I wanted to be loved. And now, who cares? If she doesn’t like me for who I am? I don’t care what she thinks anymore.”

“It's a political seesaw. The point is that, instead of seething and plotting and…well, I did that, too (patient laughs), but instead of letting it escalate in my mind, I addressed it to them, confronted them, told them what I wanted…That felt really good! I was very happy with that after I was done. I didn't overdo it. Or stretch it out of proportion. I just addressed it.
TH: So your anger at them was in proportion?
PT: Yeah. I didn't show anger. I didn't raise my voice. I just told them that I felt let down by them.
TH: So you've really been processing your anger, the sources of it, and now you're able to see these current situations in perspective, where they make you angry but they're not triggering that rage that would lead to some inappropriate way of dealing with it?
PT: Yeah.
TH: Congratulations!
PT: I give myself an "A" for that one. (Pt. and therapist laugh heartily).

Risk Taking and Facing Fear
“I just came back from a belly dancing class. I’m not the best dancer, maybe I’ll never be the best dancer but I’ve wanted to dance ALL my life, ALL MY LIFE, and it was so not for me that I couldn’t even formulate it as a desire that I had, and now I’m doing it and it’s just unbelievable. I really was afraid of most things.”

“This therapy has really worked for me.” (This would not have been possible without this patient’s effort and courage).

Appreciation
"I just wanted to call to thank you. I feel like today was really good for me. I feel like it was really good for me to get this OUT. I just need to get it out. I think it’s a real sign of healing. I feel things are on a good course and I wanted to let you know that and thank you again for creating that space for me and being really, really supportive. I really, really appreciate it."

"Your face comes to mind often when I am in one of my moods where I’m being unkind to myself and a voice comes up that says “be gentle with yourself. Be kind to this magnificent woman.” I see your eyes and I see the compassion that comes from them and I “remember” to be present and real in my gentleness, to stop the self-hatred and stop the sabotaging personality from making me miserable.”